Still

Even though he lets go all the time
And he never keeps his promises
She still holds on

While he doesnt believe in himself
And in the midsts of his screw ups
She still holds on

When she cries at night
And thinks she cant hold on any longer
She still holds on

July 14th 2005

Because Of You

What is this that I'm feeling?
Could it be that my hear t is healing?
I thought I could never again feel this way
But that has all cahnged since the other day
I know I won't have to hurt anymore
I won't have to cry as I did before
With you I know who I am
With you I don't have to pretend
The power I feel when we're together
Makes me feel alive when we're with each other
I thank God He sent you here
I feel releaved I have nother to fear
The souroundings of pitch darkness has vanished and I can finally see
The heavy feeling of emptyness has left and I can breathe
I now just want to thank you
Just in case you never knew
You don't know how you've helped me out
Because of you I no longer have a doubt

June 2, 2005

Sadness

I thought I could never trust again
I figured the happiness was gone forever
The emptyness seemed to stay lingering
Until I met you
I was recovering from it
You were finally experiencing
Two hearts torn apart
Slashed and decieved
But willing to rebuild the pain together
Feeling the love run through me when you held my hand
Wanting to melt when you kissed me
In such a short time I was attached and decided to let you in
Sadly as I did, I could feel the dark cloud forming
Sadness, knocking on my heart
And I cant help but to let it in
Because what else will be there if it isnt you?

Dedicated to Brandon Ray Waters       June 1st, 2005

The Evil

I just want to be me
I want to be the person my true friends see me as
I want tohave their approval
I want to be happy all the time
I want to feel lifted everytime I wake up
ut the evil prevents me from doing it
The evil inside me
I can't see it, but I can feel it
I hate it
It lurks within my soul
It becomes more powerful with every chance it gets
This evil isn't me
This evil transforms me into a disgrace
This evil haunts me night and day tormenting me
I remember it once revealing fully
Having the phisical image of me, but the evil was controling inside of me
I remember doing things I would  never do
I thought I got rid of it once
I thought it was gone for sure
But it will never leave
Weather it is a small part of me or a big part
It will always be there
Lurking around inside of me
Decieving me
Hurting me

    January 28, 2005

Stay Away

All the things I said before
I want to throw it all out the door
I thought you were different, unlike the rest
You were unique, kind, I thought the best

There was a side you that I did not yet know
That would come out as ou watched me go
As you waved goodbye to me
This other side I did not see

You had it planned since the begining
Oblivious as I am, I did not see it coming
We agued everyday, as you messed with my mind
You knew what you wanted, it just took time

You said you loved me, those words I believed
It was just a matter of time until I was decieved
Everytime I was afraid, you were never near
You did not care if I was filled with fear

All the thoughts and  the dreams
With your anger and the screams
Believing all the words you said
Races franticaly in my head

How did I love you when all you did was lie
How was it that everyday you made me cry
You made my heart yurn gray and old
Thinking about you turns it cold

I'll hate you forever, I know thats true
Stay away from me; screw you!!

      August 6, 2004

I'll Be Here Waiting

What happened that changed your mind?
Remember when we were loving and kind?
What did I do to make you feel this way?
It was fun, we used to talk, until that day.

I hate that I made you pissed
I wish on and on that we wouldn't have kissed
I hate that we can't talk anymore
I want to take all the bad and shove it out the door

I wish I could find a way to talk to you
I wish there was a way that you knew
My feelings for you will foe always stay the same
And that what happened was never a game

Slowly but surely it will be time for me to depart
Never doubt the place I have for you in my heart
The thing I said once is still very true
Whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting for you

    July 13, 2004

Why Weren't You There?

You're words "I love you " swirl in my head
As I think about you lying in my bed
You lied to me right to my face
I hate you now you're uch a disgrace

I thought our time would last forever
I thought we'd be happya nd be together
But I was a fool to think it would be this way
And now you're gone far off away

You left me alone
On my own to rome
When tears would fall onto my face
You were never there for me  to feel your embrace

You abused
You used
You cheated
You beated

You don't love me
Don't you care?
You don't love me
Why weren't you there?

Septmber 10, 2003